Tomorrow is “Crank Call an Architect Day.” It seriously is. I, in no way, have made that up. So, tomorrow when you get to work, pick up the yellow pages and turn to the “A’s.” Then throw the yellow pages in the recycling bin, because… you know, we have the Internet now, and then just Google “Architects in <insert your town here>.” But, don’t type “insert your town here,” because that will send you to a gay-porn site, I assume, I mean, I haven’t checked or anything. I mean, ummmm…
(Hi mom.)
So…. anyway find an architect’s number and give them a call. Don’t worry, they’ll answer. I don’t think they’re busy. Then:
Ask them if their Sub-Zero is running. Then tell them they better catch it before they lose a LEED point.
Ask them if they have Prince Albert in a stainless steel, can-shaped house sited on a beautiful bluff overlooking the Mediterranean.
Ask them if they want to design a luxury condominium tower in Ka-wah-la Lampoon. Tell them it’s on the corner of Why-a-me-a and You-a-pee-a.
Tell them their Sharpie has leaked on their shirt pocket (it probably did anyway).
Repeat the phrase “I need to talk to Svehn now” over and over. When they say “who?” say “Svehn.” When they say “what?” say “does he have my metal panel sample?” When they say “I don’t know” say “third base” and hang up.
Ask for Bob, when Bob answers, ask for Robert, when he says, “This is Robert,” ask for Bob again, he’ll say, “Yes, this is Bob, can I help you?” then say, “No, I mean the architect Bob.”
Ask to speak to the person in charge of hiring. When they pick up the line, make a sound like a fax machine.
Ask to speak to the person in charge of hiring. When they pick up the line, quietly sob into the phone.
Ask the person who answers the phone if they “do” blueprints.
Say this phrase exactly: “This is Cesar Pelli, can I speak to the idiot who decided to change my design?”
Ask for the person in charge of specifications. When they pick up, ask them which is more lickable, stainless or teak.
Tell the receptionist who answers that you’ve heard that IT is monitoring her Facebook usage. Then “like” her page.
Ask the person who answers, “Are you running any specials this week?”
Pretend to be a building official. Tell them that construction has been stopped due to glaring omissions and demand to speak to the principal in charge. When they answer (which won’t take long) tell them you are not wearing pants… The silence will be awkward…
Tell them you’re one of the Beastie Boys and you want them to design a studio/ daycare with sustainable design features. Tell them you’re calling every architect in town, and you want them to fight for their right to Parti.
…
I’ll give you a minute to let that pun sink in…
…
So, tomorrow morning, first thing, why not crank call an architect? They’ll be waiting for your call. I assume, unless they’re busy, but they aren’t. So, just call. I think they’re lonely.
Hello?….
<makes a phone sign with his thumb and pinky finger and mouths the words “call me”>
Reprinted with permission from www.coffeewithanarchitect.com, by Jody Brown, AIA, who explains, “I started this site as a way to reach out to people in the community. I thought that a virtual cup of coffee would be a low pressure way to meet and discuss our shared ideas, passions, and vision for the profession. Then, at some point, I went a different way with it.”
Originally published late 2012, in arcCA 12.1, “On Good Behavior.”
